Sieze the Toast

\”I\” before \”E\” except after \”C\” and when sounding for \”A\” as in \”neighbor\” and \”weigh.\” So where does that leave us?

Eureka! March 17, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Naomi @ 9:27 am

After an interminable period of educated guesses, tortuous reasoning and outright speculation, we the faithful have at last been gifted with the definitive answer: Shakespug’s pants are made from a rubber glove. I’m inordinately pleased to have finally acquired this information; inordinately because

  • I didn’t have to work for it,
  • we’re talking about the apparel choices of a daily newspaper comic character
  • and this is the first clear indication of five fingers on the garment in question (all five are visible here, but I assumed the middle three represented a rapidly wagging tail), making this denouement a bit of a cheat.

In any case, now I can devote my full attention (out of the attention that I set aside specifically for deconstructing Get Fuzzy) to figuring out why Mr. Conley has spent the past month gradually filling the apartment with colorful one-joke characters. I think he’s building toward (in a year or so) a domesticated furry animal interpretation of the Stateroom Scene. Time will tell.


Still thinking about it February 14, 2007

Filed under: Autobiographical,General stupidity,Hobbies,Uncategorized — Naomi @ 7:29 pm

I’ve spent a considerable portion of the last couple of days perusing the archives of the Comics Curmudgeon, and two things have become apparent to me:

  1. Johnny Hart is nuts.
  2. This blog could use some regular features.

There isn’t much I can do about Thing #1, but I have some ideas where Thing #2 is concerned. So, here’s a list of possible regular features for Sieze the Toast:

  • Webcomic: I’m thinking of something in a format similar to Absurd Notions (sporadically updated humor comic with continuous plots and occasional bonus diary comics), with a scifi setting. Pro: I already have a pretty good idea of my characters and main plot and even how I want certain panels to look, which puts me ahead of about 80% of all novice webcomic artists. Con: I don’t draw so good… which puts me ahead of about 80% of all comic artists.
  • Serialized Novel: Horrifying though the results of my NaNoWriMo experiment proved to be, I’ve salvaged all of my principal characters and a significant portion of the plot (the setting was nonexistent) and created a mind map. When complete, said graphic organizer will form the basis of a modern cross-genre whodunit. It starts out at a funeral. It is hilarious. Pro: The inclusion of a serialized novel ties into my original purpose for this blog, and knowing that reader(s) await the next installment might be the motivation I need to finished the accursed thing. Con: If it’s any good, and I can convince a real paying publisher of this fact, then I’m selling myself way short on first publication rights.
  • Movie Reviews: I used to be (technically I still am; I just need to remember my password) a member of a site that specializes in exhaustive reviews of awful and obscure movies and TV shows; I even got a positive (if limited) reaction to my reviews of Kangaroo Jack and its sequel. The bad movie recap scene lost its appeal to me for a while, but lately… lately the muse has beckoned to me from the TV Guide Channel and Lifetime’s movie-of-the-week ads (they’re doing Nora Roberts adaptations throughout February, presumably in observance of Black History Month). Pro: Dissecting hastily made basic cable chick flicks is easy and fun, and women who write snarky reviews of such films are significantly underrepresented in the b-movie community. Con: It’s also time-consuming, and my mother might take my criticism of her favorite genre as a personal affront..

So, what’s it going to be? I eagerly await the response of my loyal readers (all one of them).


A really good excuse September 30, 2006

In the days following the removal of her wisdom teeth, the modern blogger has two options available to her:

  1. Provide her readers with one or more genuine examples of stoned writing
  2. Go on hiatus until she runs out of hydrocodone

This blogger has settled on a compromise: she has tentative plans to produce one or more genuine examples of stoned writing this weekend, and she will decide whether to share these with her readers once she has run out of generic Vicodin. She also plans on sleeping too much, applying ice packs periodically to her newly acquired squirrel cheeks (which make her look rather like Fat Elvis, she thinks), and eating a lot of soup.


Rainbow of Time-Wasters September 19, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Naomi @ 4:20 pm

I sewed a dress and knitted… a lot of stuff this week.  I should really start taking pictures of my finished projects, but I just don’t feel like it.  Instead, here’s a bunch of related blogthings.

Related to each other, I mean.  They’re not related to my life as a crafter at all.

You Are Cranberry Red
Peaceful and philosophical, you are almost always at harmony with the world.
You’re not very social, but you always enjoy a deep, complex conversation with a friend.
It’s possible that you’ve been disappointed a lot in your life, but you’ve gotten over those disappointments quickly.
For you, each day is new and glorious. You wake up refreshed and happy, even when things aren’t going your way.

What Color Red Are You?

You Are Cameo
You are understanding and very empathetic.
You don’t tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend.
And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

What Color Orange Are You?

You Are Teal Green
You are a one of a kind, original person. There’s no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don’t scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

You are Ocean Blue
You’re both warm and practical. You’re very driven, but you’re also very well rounded.
You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

What Color Blue Are You?

You Are Grape
You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.
People know you as a straight shooter. You’re very honest, even when the truth hurts.
You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.
People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it’s this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

No yellow yet.  Or brown, black, white or gray, for that matter.


Updating, because it’s what I do. August 17, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Naomi @ 8:13 pm

Wrist warmers have been 100% complete for a few days; scarf is approaching 50% at a nice clip.

This is the scariest thing I’ve ever read.  Vaguely unsettling that he’s out there, if even half of it is true; downright frightening that a significant number of my contemporaries, male and female, have made him a folk hero.

I’m working on an epic personal post attempting to explain something I said in my introductory post.  The hard part is striking a balance between verisimilitude and knowing that my kid brother will read it.  Brutal honesty is easy until you have to talk about yourself.


Pop-pop-pop July 31, 2006

Well, I’ve seen jersey-knit fabric; and about a year ago, I read a tutorial on double-sided knitting on– but I just didn’t get it.  I had trouble understanding how to create a single piece with two right sides, and furthermore, I had no idea why I’d want to.

Flash forward to yesterday (I’m going to have to find less awkward ways of expressing temporal relationships if this novel I’m planning is going to work).  I was browsing Knitty, looking for things to do with my scrap yarn (which I found) and patterns for unembarassing sweaters (which I didn’t).  In the process, I stumbled across…

Exchequered by Alice Bell

“Exchequered,” by Alice Bell.

My friends will tell you that I’m not a very excitable person.  My brother doesn’t just call me “the corpse” because I’m pale… well, maybe he does, I’m not entirely sure.  But I looked at this pattern and my knee started jumping.  The ideas burst into my mind like a string of firecrackers.  Colors!  Materials!  I can do something about those messy edges!  I know somebody who would enjoy wearing this!

I had to make some adjustments.  The original was knit with black and yellow sport-weight acrylic (thinner than worsted, thicker than fingering, just right for double knitting) on 3.25 mm needles.  I have the right sized needles (pretty sure I even used them once), but in this backward little town, the yarn choices are worsted, worsted, worsted or crochet cotton.  So I adapted.  The thing is working up very nicely on US size 5’s with Red Heart Super-Saver (stowe it, ye fiber snob) in black and “Light Sage.”  Also, the squares are nice, but I think I’ll get bored with them by the halfway mark– which is about the point where I plan on having a more organic pattern emerge.  I’m thinking leaves on a vine, and in the last section of the scarf I’ll shape the edges to conform to the biggest leaf and end with a cockeyed point.  This is going to be big, but I figure I can have it finished by the time the weather turns cold.


But, I can’t be out of ideas already! July 24, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Naomi @ 10:41 pm

Four days, and I’m already resorting to a space-filling fluff post just so I can say I wrote something today.  Well, there was that long IM conversation with my dad… no, I’m not going to post that.  Between yesterday’s adventure (I was on Highway 50 between Sacramento and Placerville on a Sunday evening because I got lost for a couple of hours somewhere between Roseville and San Francisco because I didn’t have proper directions to Sunsplash because my friends ditched me because they are teenagers) and today’s attempts to avoid a fight with my mom, I’m just exhausted.  Things will be better when the heatwave breaks.

Coming Soon (in no particular order)

  • nature photographs
  • things I’ve done with yarn
  • things that people just shouldn’t do with yarn
  • results of a month-long experiment in group psychology and social engineering
  • readability