Sieze the Toast

\”I\” before \”E\” except after \”C\” and when sounding for \”A\” as in \”neighbor\” and \”weigh.\” So where does that leave us?

A really good excuse September 30, 2006

In the days following the removal of her wisdom teeth, the modern blogger has two options available to her:

  1. Provide her readers with one or more genuine examples of stoned writing
  2. Go on hiatus until she runs out of hydrocodone

This blogger has settled on a compromise: she has tentative plans to produce one or more genuine examples of stoned writing this weekend, and she will decide whether to share these with her readers once she has run out of generic Vicodin. She also plans on sleeping too much, applying ice packs periodically to her newly acquired squirrel cheeks (which make her look rather like Fat Elvis, she thinks), and eating a lot of soup.


Rainbow of Time-Wasters September 19, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Naomi @ 4:20 pm

I sewed a dress and knitted… a lot of stuff this week.  I should really start taking pictures of my finished projects, but I just don’t feel like it.  Instead, here’s a bunch of related blogthings.

Related to each other, I mean.  They’re not related to my life as a crafter at all.

You Are Cranberry Red
Peaceful and philosophical, you are almost always at harmony with the world.
You’re not very social, but you always enjoy a deep, complex conversation with a friend.
It’s possible that you’ve been disappointed a lot in your life, but you’ve gotten over those disappointments quickly.
For you, each day is new and glorious. You wake up refreshed and happy, even when things aren’t going your way.

What Color Red Are You?

You Are Cameo
You are understanding and very empathetic.
You don’t tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend.
And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

What Color Orange Are You?

You Are Teal Green
You are a one of a kind, original person. There’s no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don’t scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

You are Ocean Blue
You’re both warm and practical. You’re very driven, but you’re also very well rounded.
You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

What Color Blue Are You?

You Are Grape
You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.
People know you as a straight shooter. You’re very honest, even when the truth hurts.
You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.
People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it’s this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

No yellow yet.  Or brown, black, white or gray, for that matter.


What are you? September 12, 2006

The question comes up most often at social functions, when I’m with my family meeting people who are not my family.  Sometimes it’s the first thing they say to me.  Sometimes they’ll talk about other things for a while, looking me up, down and sideways the whole time, trying to work out the answer for themselves first.  Occasionally, some blessed soul will manage to resist the urge to ask, but such a person is rare indeed.

“What are you?”

An odd question, a rude question, a stupid question, the only question I know that encourages ignorance instead of dispelling it.  I have the perfect response,

Human, female.  What the hell are you?

but I never use it, because I’m (trying to be) a patient, understanding person and I don’t like to use the hell-word outside of religious discussions.  Aside from that, if I answered that way, the idiot asking the question would first laugh mechanically, and then say,

“But seriously, what are you?”

I am a great granddaughter.

My great grandmother came from Germany and brought my grandfather across the country in a covered wagon.

My other great grandmother was a Mexican Indian who scraped and struggled and didn’t quite manage to raise all of her children.

My other other great grandmother was the quintessential Mexican.  She had a Catholic upbringing, spoke mostly Spanish and made her own tortillas.  I knew her briefly when we were both very small.  Her skin was as white as what was left of her hair.

My other other other great grandmother was an all-American mutt.

“So, what does that make you?”

I am brunette.

My mother is “Latino.”  She makes tacos from my Caucasian grandmother’s recipe and speaks even less Spanish than I do.

My father is “White.”  His skin is darker than mine.

“Now you’re just being difficult.  Who do you think you are?”

My name is Naomi.

It’s biblical, Hebrew in origin, and in that language it is usually pronounced NAY-ah-mee and means “pleasantness.”

My parents have always pronounced my name nay-OH-mee, which is Japanese for “above all, beauty.”

Roughly half of the people I’ve met persist in pronouncing it NYE-OH-mee, which means “I have a speech impediment and I don’t even know it.”

I share a middle name with Victor Hugo for some reason.

I’m not trying to make some grand eloquent point about race relations, globalization, the human condition or the true meaning of tolerance.  I’m just bemused that I live in a society where I can be pigeonholed while simultaneously defying categorization.

Also, I think dividing the tribes on Survivor by race is nothing but an empty ploy to garner attention for a show that doesn’t deserve it.  You want to make Survivor interesting?  Three words:

Eat the losers.


A better iPod cover (v.0.3) September 4, 2006

Filed under: Hobbies,How-to,Knitting,Music,Pattern Charts,Yarn — Naomi @ 11:58 am

So I was going to write about how I’ve bonded emotionally to my new guitar, but I think that will be more meaningful once I’ve learned more than two chords.  Instead, here’s the beta version of a pattern for an iPod cover that I am designing.

“Knitted iPod covers?  Those bulky, impractical things that beginners throw together when dishcloths just aren’t hip enough?”

Well, yes, but this one’s a little different.  Like the device itself, the iPod cover should be slim, stylish and functional.  As to whether it is what it should be… the jury is still out.  But I think we’re getting close.

Two circular needles, US size 1 (2.0 mm)*
Small amount of DK yarn (I used .90 oz./25 g of Caron Simply Soft)
Yarn needle
Two snaps
Sewing needle
Thread to match the yarn

*Theoretically, you could make this on DPNs or with one long circular needle using the Magic Loop method; I went with the two-circular method because I had those materials on hand.

In stockinette, 8 stitches and 10 rows make 1 inch.

Finished Measurements:
The cover is for a 60 GB Video iPod (4.1″ x 2.4″ x .55″).  With the front flap closed, the piece measures 4 9/16″ x 2 7/8″ flat.

The Pattern:
CO 46 sts leaving a long tail, divide evenly, and join.
Work two rounds in stockinette– these will form the bottom of the cover.
Round 3: P2, K19, P4, K19, P2.
Repeat Round 3 three times more, or until piece measures .4″ from the top of the stockinette rows.  This creates a 4×19 rib which will be turned inside out to make a reverse-stockinette front and back, with stockinette panels on each side.

Control pad opening
Round 1: P2, K6, BO 7, K6, P4, K19, P2.
Round 2: P2, K to within 2 stitches of BO edge, K2 tog, carry the yarn very loosely across BO stitches, SSK, K to established purl stitches, P4, K19, P2.
Round 3: Repeat Round 2.
Round 4: P2, K to edge, carry the yarn very loosely across, K to established purl stitches, P4, K19, K2.
Round 5: Repeat Round 2.
Rounds 6-12: Repeat Round 4, seven times.
Round 13: P2, K to within one stitch of the edge, M1, K1, carry the yarn very loosely across the gap, K1, M1, K to the purl stitches, P4, K19, P2.
Round 14: Repeate Round 4.
Rounds 15 and 16: Repeat Round 13, twice.
Round 17: P2, K6 (you should be at the edge of the gap), turn, CO 7 sts. using knit-on or cable method, turn, K6, P4, K19, P2.

*P2, K19, P2* across for three rounds.

Screen opening
Carrying the yarn very loosely on the outside of the work (the knit side, facing you, capice?), slip 4 sts.  BO 15, K 2, P4, K19, P4, K2.
Row 1: P2, K4, P19, K4, P2.
Row 2: K2, P4, K19, P4, K2.
Repeat Rows 1 and 2, six times more, or until piece measures 1.5″ from BO edge, ending with Row 2.
At the end of the last row, CO 15 sts. using the knit-on or cable method.

Work body even in est. patt. for two rows.

Work across the front and side.  At the back, K16, BO 30: 16 sts remain.
Work even for 6 rows or until top measures .6″, ending with a purl row.

Front flap
Row 1: K16, CO 4.
Row 2: K4, P16, CO 4.
Row 3: K across.
Row 4: K4, P16, K4.
Repeat Rows 3 and 4 until Front Flap measures just over 4″; it should be the same length as the body.
Work even in garter stitch for six rows.
Bind off all remaining stitches.

Working from the bottom up, cut each strand of yarn that runs across the control pad opening and weave the ends into the knit side of the front panel.  This will add some stabilty to the fabric around the opening.  After weaving all the ends, trim them at the edge of the side panel, not to closely.  If you do trim too closely and you’re using acrylic yarn, you can use a drop of super glue to keep the end from unravelling– but it’s ugly.

Using the tail from the cast on, weave the bottom edges together.

Weave in all yarn ends.

Turn the piece right-side-out (I worked it inside-out to make finishing easier).  With sewing needle and matching thread, sew the male halves of two snaps to the bottom of the piece, near the side edges.

Ideally, you would put the iPod into the case while determining the placement of the female snaps on the edge of the front flap; I had to estimate.

And we’re done!  Version 1.0 coming soon.